Miranda
by melihobbit
Summary: The crew crash into a planet, seemingly deserted. Among the ruins of a gigantic city they find Miranda, a hologram, who has been alone and hiding from something terrible that wiped out an entire civilization...
1. Prologue

A/N: This is an unfinished story I am working on at the moment, sorry to leave you in "suspense" (cough) but I will update as soon as possible. It's also my first go at a 'serious' Red Dwarf story. I hope you enjoy it. :)

PROLOGUE

In the burnt and skeletal ruins of a ship named Poseidon, a young woman sits on a bunk in one of the crew's sleeping quarters, bathed in the soft golden light of an afternoon, staring intently at a blackened photograph of her brother. Tears glint as they catch the light and clear tracks through the dirt on her face.

After a long time she reverently tucks the picture into a pocket of her jacket and turns her face towards the sun, which is shining in through one of the portholes in the sleeping cabin. She draws her knees up to her chest and hugs them, and then slides back into the shadows of the lower bunk. With the darkness covering her, she feels less afraid.

****


	2. Drifting

CHAPTER ONE:

DRIFTING

Dave Lister, the last member of the human race, groaned and opened his eyes. His head felt like someone had cut off the top with a blunt hacksaw, poured gravel into it, pounded it in with a mallet, and then sewn it on back to front. He rubbed his forehead just to make sure he couldn't feel the stitches, and then began the laborious process of trying to sit up. Below him, pacing the room, Rimmer was speaking loudly in a language Lister couldn't understand. A skutter was holding a book open for him. He paced to one side of the room, paused, snatched a glance at the book, then squinched his eyes shut.

"_Aegroto, dum anima est, spes esse dicitur."_

Lister blinked and managed to prop himself up into a sitting position. "I thought you'd given up on Esperanto."

"This isn't Esperanto you moron, it's Latin," Rimmer replied distractedly, and looked at the book again.

Rubbing his eyes, Lister said, "Why d'you want to learn Latin? No-one speaks it any more."

"So? It's a beautiful language, Lister! Timeless. The language of Virgil, Cicero, and Aristotle! Someone like you could never appreciate the grace and poetry of these ancient words... '_tibi gratius agimus quod nihil fumas'."_

"What's that mean?"

Taking a second glance at the book, he replied, "'Thank you for not smoking.'"

Rimmer noticed Lister rubbing his forehead and wincing.

"You got drunk again," he shook his head. "I don't know why you do it to yourself."

"I was celebrating," Lister said defensively.

"Celebrating what?"

"I don't know... I was too drunk to remember. Actually, I think I was playing a drinking game in the cockpit. Like, I'd take a swig of lager for every reddish sort of planetoid that we passed. Problem is, I got so drunk I ended up going around the same planet in circles all night."

Rimmer snorted and shook his head. "Serves you right."

Kryten shuffled into the room with his familiar wonky robotic gait, and wheeled a breakfast tray over to the bunk. Lister leaned over the side.

"Breakfast is served, sir."

"Sorry Kryt, I don't think I could eat anything right now. I feel like crap."

"Ah yes. Mr Rimmer mentioned that you might not be feeling absolutely one hundred percent tickety-boo this morning, so he had me make you an extra special hangover-cure breakfast."

Lister raised his eyes and gave Rimmer a suspicious glance, but the hologram appeared to be deeply interested in the book the skutter was holding. Lister thought it must've been a very amusing book judging from the smirk that had suddenly appeared on his face.

"Rimmer asked you to make me breakfast."

"Yes sir." Kryten grinned with pleasure.

"I'm not going to like this am I?" Lister said.

Kryten gestured towards the serving tray, which contained two large mugs and a plate of food.

"A glass of raw egg, whiskey and orange juice in tomato juice with Tabasco sauce, jalapeno peppers and Vegemite on toast, a pint of water and a cup of raw coffee."

"Rimmer, you're a total smeghead, aren't you?"

Rimmer straightened up from the book he was reading and began pacing again. "What's the matter Listy, lost your appetite? Nothing wrong with that stuff, I've included absolutely every hangover cure there is. _Fortes fortuna adiuvat._"

"Oh yeah. Have you actually tried any of it?"

"No, but I've heard from other people... who've heard from other people... that it works."

Lister shook his head. "Forget it. I'm not touching that stuff. Kryt, just bring me back a black coffee, _hot_, in a cup with water, will ya?"

Kryten tried not to look too disappointed. "You don't even want the raw egg, sir?"

Lister shook his head.

"Are you sure? I put a little umbrella in it and everything."

He shook his head again.

Kryten shuffled uncomfortably on his feet and then wheeled the tray away sadly.

"Now you've hurt his feelings," Rimmer said without a trace of sympathy.

* * *

Lister limped down the corridor towards the mid-section. His leg ached for some reason he couldn't remember. Perhaps he bumped it last night crawling into bed. He turned a corner and stopped as something wet and soft brushed against his face. He gave a cry of surprise and stumbled backwards, then saw the clotheslines that had been strung from one end of the corridor to the other, and draped with shirts in a blinding array of colours.

"Cat!" Lister shouted.

"Hey, someone call?" the Cat said as he walked jauntily down the corridor from the direction of the eating area.

"Yeah, me. What the smeg is all this?"

"What d'you think, monkey brain? It's laundry day!"

"Yeah, but did you have to take up the whole corridor? Why couldn't you string these up down in the cargo bay or something where no-one has to walk _through_ them?"

"I already did! My suits are in the cargo bay. This corridor's for shirts and socks."

"Cat, take them down."

"What? You gotta be crazy! I was up all night washing this stuff!"

"Find somewhere else for it." He brushed a lavender and pink silk shirt out of his face and pushed through the rest of the clothes on his way towards the mid-section.

As he stepped into the cockpit his attention was immediately grabbed by the appearance of a huge sand-coloured planet filling up half of the viewport window. Looking closer, he noticed that there were a number of small metallic objects seemingly orbiting the planet. Light from a distant sun glinted off them as they revolved slowly against the blackness of space.

"Yo, Kryten, what are those things floating around that planet?"

Kryten was sitting at the long-range scanner and typing in commands to a control panel. "I haven't established that yet, sir. They seem to be giving out some kind of faint electronic signal, but I can't determine anything from it."

Lister slid into his usual seat, brushed some crumbs off it and leaned towards the window.

"Let's get closer to them and have a goosey."

Kryten looked up apprehensively. "Do you really think that's a wise course of action, sir?"

"Why not?" Lister asked, already minutely adjusting the course of Starbug's path.

"Well... we don't know what they are... shouldn't we wait for Mr Rimmer and the Cat?"

"I'm only gonna take us a little closer, Kryten. Take a look at the surface of that planet. It looks like there's some kind of city down there."

Lister steered Starbug closer so that they were facing the planet. They were now relatively close to one of the round metallic objects.

Kryten looked closely at the object and then back at the scanner readout. "Sir, I think we should stay away from that."

"Why?" Lister asked placidly with a glance over his shoulder.

"Do those things remind you of anything?"

Lister shrugged. "No."

"I believe they resemble those things that were frequently used during World War II to sink submarines."

"What... mines?" He glanced back to the softly spinning metal ball, now slightly off to the left of Starbug. Come to think of it, the ball now looked rather ominous as it caught the light of the nearby sun. Tiny lights flickered along its circumference in quick succession. "You think they're mines?"

"I might suggest an evasive course of action, Mr Lister sir."

Lister pulled back hard on the throttle. "God. You're right. What was I thinking?"

Suddenly the controls on the ship went haywire. Kryten's long range scanner started emitting a series of worrying beeps, and the craft failed to respond to Lister's desperate alterations.

"What's going on?" he said loudly. "I can't control it!"

Kryten gave him a worried look, and then began to mash on the ship's internal alarm button. Not even that worked.

"Holly what the hell's going on?!" Lister shouted.

Where Holly's head should have been, there appeared a muddled set of pixels vaguely representing a woman, perhaps as Picasso might have drawn one.

"Hdskuiredkssauk." The image on the monitor said.

"Something's happened to Holly!"

"Sir, we're spinning out of control!" Kryten shouted.

Rimmer lurched into the cockpit, wearing his blue hard-light uniform, and was followed by the Cat.

"What the smeg is going on?!" Rimmer yelled.

"Yeah!" The Cat growled. "If I'd wanted my clothes spun-dry, I would've used the laundry room like everyone else!"

"I'm sorry guys, I wasn't thinking!" Lister panted, and went about flicking switches hastily. Nothing had any effect, and did not slow Starbug's now lethal plummet towards the surface of the planet.

"Would someone like to tell me what's..." Rimmer was cut off as Starbug swayed again, and he was sent hurtling backwards down the steps out of the cockpit door. He emerged a few seconds later, looking bruised. "It's going to be one of those days, isn't it?"

"We're going down fast. Looks like we're going to have to make a crash landing," Lister said breathlessly.

The dusty surface of the planet loomed hugely in the viewport window, and gradually filled it. Then everything went white as they caromed through thick cloud cover.

"Why is it," Rimmer said dangerously, "that anything that CAN go wrong, DOES go wrong. Especially when Lister's driving."

"Hey, gimme a break!" Lister said, his voice rising to a panicked whine. "If I'd known this was gonna happen, I would've stayed in bed!"

"15 seconds to impact," Kryten said. "Brace yourselves!"

"'_Brace yourselves?!"_ Rimmer screamed. "Is that the best plan you've got?"

"Well, the only other plan I have involves curling up into a foetal position and screaming, and given the circumstances I don't think that's going to do us a lot of good."

Rimmer sucked in his breath, about to argue that it sounded like an excellent plan to him, but his eyes widened as he saw the ground rushing up to meet them through the window.

"Does this thing have airbags?" The Cat asked, his voice tinged with panic.

"10 seconds!"

"What are you bozos doing?" A female voice shrieked. "Slow down, slow down!"

Lister's head whipped around so fast he caught himself in the face with his dreadlocks. Squinting, he shouted, "Holly? You're back!"

"And so is the navicomp!" Kryten exclaimed.

"We've got control again!"

"Cat, reverse thrusters, _now!"_

The Cat hastily followed Lister's commands and the descent of the ship slowed dramatically. So dramatically, in fact, that everyone was forced painfully back in their seats by the sudden change of momentum.

"5 seconds!" Kryten called.

"Cat, can you land us on that flat plain there?"

"I'm doing my best, Buddy!"

Starbug swiftly tilted up so it's nose was no longer pointing at the ground, and cruised gracefully down to the surface, sending up a swirling, dancing cloud of rust-coloured dirt. Then, slowly, it settled down on its beetle-like landing gears and was still. The dust slowly settled around it.

Lister leaned back in his seat, and wiped sweat from his forehead with a leather-gloved hand. "That was _too_ close."

Rimmer started brushing imaginary dust off his suit. "I can't leave you in charge of the ship for 10 smegging minutes, can I? It's like having to babysit a chimpanzee."

"Alright, alright," Lister snapped defensively. "I'm not having a good day. That's all. I made a mistake. It could've happened to anyone."

"Lister, it could only have happened to anyone with an IQ lower than the number of fingers they have on both hands."

Lister gave up arguing and sat, despondent, staring out at the dull, featureless plain stretched out on all sides of them. "What a place to end up. It's like the Sahara Desert. Without the monorail and optional camel rides."

"Let's take a look out there," the Cat suggested.

"One moment sirs, I'll just run a test to determine if the atmosphere is breathable."

"Good. That'll give me time to change." The Cat vacated his seat and disappeared out through the mid-section. Lister sighed and glanced at Holly's monitor, which still seemed to be functioning normally.

"Any idea what those things were, Holly?"

"Well, Kryten was right. They were mines, just not of the exploding kind. It seems like they were placed in the planet's outer atmosphere to disrupt the equipment of any passing ships and send them spinning out of control into space. We happened to be facing towards the planet, which is why we almost crashed. Once we got out of range of the devices though, the equipment and everything came back online."

"So we're ok to take off again? We can get out of here?"

"As long as we can stay far enough away from the mines. If we can find a gap wide enough between them we should be able to fly right through."

"Well that's a relief," Lister sighed, and pushed his hat back on his forehead. "I guess we better see what's out there."


	3. Discovery

CHAPTER 2:

DISCOVERY

Lister stood beside Starbug a bazookoid tucked uncomfortably into the curve of his arm, and squinted against the glare of the sun at the vast, empty stretch of desert laid out before him like a bland carpet. Eddies of dust danced and swirled in the distance, blew apart, and then formed again further out in the distance. The sky was a pasty, pinkish salmon colour, shot through with streaks of orange. On the far horizon Lister could see a craggy mountain range snaking its way along the curve of the planet's surface.

Apart from that, there was nothing.

He felt someone tap his shoulder, and jumped. He spun around.

"Hey Bud, you're looking in the wrong direction! Check it out," the Cat said, and waltzed around the side of Starbug. Lister followed, and was brought to a halt in mid-stride as he realized what was on the other side of Starbug.

Rimmer, Kryten, Lister and the Cat stood in a huddled bunch in Starbug's shadow, gazing out across the plain at the ruins of a colossal city.

It sat solidly, immovably against the skyline, a framework of ruined buildings, some of them appearing to be only half-built or in states of disrepair. Steel gantries hung loosely from the decrepit structures. It looked as though the city had been deserted for years, decades even. Not a single sign of life or humanity stirred in the streets among the debris of fallen scaffolds and twisted hunks of metal. Everything lay still and silent in the white heat of the sun.

The _Dwarf_ crew crossed the barren plain and entered the outskirts of the city. Here, outlying buildings seemed to be part of a residential district. There were slums- tiny wooden ramshackle huts, their roofs collapsed in like the husks of empty beetle shells. Further in, the buildings rose up out of the slums and formed elegant rows converging in to the centre of the city. Most of the buildings seemed to consist of huge industrial factories. Smoke stacks, now black and long since left unused, formed rows like the pillars of a castle along the edges of a gigantic facility.

They walked down the central street, its gutters lined with dirt and the accumulated filth of years. Here and there were scraps of paper, but the writing on them was illegible.

Lister shook his head for about the 17th time and said, "I can't believe it."

"I don't like it," the Cat said, frowning. "Something doesn't smell right here."

"Yeah. What happened to all the people?"

"It's obvious isn't it," Rimmer said calmly. Inside he was fighting an urge to turn around and run back to Starbug as fast as he could. There was a dry, sour smell on the air he didn't like. "They all decided they'd pack their bags and move somewhere else."

"What? A whole city?"

"Maybe they were driven out. I don't know- climate change, war, disease..."

"Disease?" The Cat said nervously, and put his hand over his nose and mouth.

"Mr Rimmer might have a point," Kryten said, and glanced around. "Those 'mines' we encountered in orbit around the planet might be remnants of some long ago war."

"Great," Lister said, without much enthusiasm. "So we're standing in some sort of gigantic graveyard. That really makes me feel better, Kryts."

"But it doesn't make sense. There's no bodies," Rimmer said, with an apprehensive glance at an odd-shaped lump of junk lying by the side of the road.

They came to the end of the street and turned a corner. Lister was looking at the ground and kept on walking, but the three behind him stopped in their tracks. He raised his head at their collective intake of breath.

Ahead of them the street continued on a gentle decline and then ended in a huge wall of metal. There was some gargantuan object, so huge that only a third of it was visible between the buildings, lying _on top of_ the centre of the city. Whatever buildings had been there before were now presumably crushed beneath it. Lister's eyes ran along the topmost rim of the object, and he glimpsed a small glass-domed structure that reminded him of the observation deck on Red Dwarf. Then he noticed the partly-obscured lettering running along the side of the thing in big white letters.

'_S E I D'_

"Smeggin' 'ell. Is that what I think it is?"

"It's a ship," Rimmer said, stepping forward, an expression of transfixed wonder on his face. "It must have crashed right on top of the city."

"'Sid'?" the Cat said derisively. "That's a pretty dumb name for a ship. Why not just call it 'Bob' or 'Jenny'?"

"That's not it's name, you gimboid," Rimmer snapped.

Kryten was no longer looking at the ship. He was tapping commands into a hand-held electronic device, and frowning at its readout. "I'm getting an electronic signal from within the ship."

"Any life signs?" Lister asked quickly.

"No."

"But something's still working in there, obviously," Rimmer reflected. "I say we go in and see if it's worth salvaging."

Kryten looked up at the sky. "I estimate it will be dark in about two hours, sirs. We'd better make it quick if we want to leave this planet before nightfall." He paused, for dramatic effect. "Unless you want to spend the night in a 'gigantic graveyard' as Mr Lister so elegantly put it."

Lister hoisted his bazookoid higher on his shoulder. "Let's just get it done. I don't wanna hang around here any longer than I need to."

"Well, after you gentlemen," Rimmer said, smiling, and waved them ahead.

* * *

"There's gotta be some way inside," Lister said quietly, standing at the foot of the crashed spacecraft / wall of metal that now towered hundreds of feet above him. To see the top he had to crane his neck back so far he nearly overbalanced.

"There is," Kryten said. "Up there." He pointed, and they noticed a large set of reinforced double doors, the entrance to an airlock no doubt. Trouble was, it was suspended about fifty feet above their heads and the doors were closed.

"Well that's handy," Rimmer muttered. "You'd think they'd have the courtesy to put out a landing ramp."

"This thing has to be full of holes," Lister said, walking over to the door of the nearest building, which was hanging off its hinges at a dangerous angle. "Probably where the ship cut through all these buildings."

He stepped through the door, leaving the others alone in the street.

"What's he doing?" the Cat asked.

Lister poked his head out through the door. "You guys coming or what?"

They picked their way through the rubble strewn across the lobby of a large building. It was immediately obvious that the when it slewed through the city, the ship had cut the building in half. One wall was now missing, replaced instead by the warped and badly dented hull of the spacecraft. Lister climbed over to the hull and tapped on it with his fist.

"Lister," Rimmer said dryly. Lister ignored him and continued tapping the wall, producing a loud, echoey thud that reverberated through the room and quickly got on Rimmer's nerves. "Lister!"

"What?"

"You're not going to find any _holes._"

"Why not?"

"Lister, that's the hull of a spacecraft. The people who make spacecraft, generally, the people who make things of this size, are going to make sure they don't tear easily."

"It crashed right through a building!" Lister said, barely disguising his incredulity.

"Lister, a building, to something this size, is probably the equivalent of a grazed knee. It wouldn't even break the skin." He gestured at the shiny, pockmarked surface. "You could fire a bazookoid at it and it wouldn't make a dent."

Lister stopped tapping and stood back, thinking. "Well there's gotta be another way in."

"How about the back door?" Rimmer said, raising an eyebrow.

* * *

After about an hour or so of fruitless searching, they finally managed to stumble across the cargo bay doors. They had to walk almost two blocks around the side of the ship to reach it. It was wedged into the lower corner of an exposed side of the ship, in a large open area that was previously a courtyard. To their surprise they found one of the two doors missing, and the large open gap that led into the bowels of the ship stared at them like a hungry mouth.

"Nice one, Alphabet Head!" Cat grinned, showing his pointy incisors, and holding his bazookoid smartly by his side. He had chosen a grey satin dinner jacket to match the colour of the weapon. "Since you're so clever, you should be first to step inside."

Rimmer's mouth twitched, in the way it did when he was trying desperately to think of a way out of a bad situation. "There could be anything in there!"

"Exactly," the Cat said, still grinning.

"Sirs, it's perfectly safe, I'm picking up no life signs whatsoever. Of course, the structure might be unstable, and there might be live wires and bits of razor-sharp metal lying around, but apart from that it's perfectly safe."

Rimmer glared at the mechanoid. "You've got to be joking!_"_

"Rimmer, you're wetter than a pair of swimming instructor's Speedo's. I'll go in first." Lister stepped through the door and was enveloped by the shadows. Gritting his teeth, Rimmer cautiously followed. Kryten stepped in next, tailed by the Cat.

* * *

They made their way up the corridor. On either side, numerous doors lined the pale grey walls. Lister looked at the signs over each one as he passed. He felt he had a good idea of where they were on the ship. Its layout was much the same as the _Dwarf's_, but in the sweeping light from Kryten's chest-mounted torch beam, it was hard to keep his bearings.

Kryten, now leading the group, was following the signal from the computer. "We're getting close now."

They passed a large open door marked 'Medi-Bay'. Lister glanced in and could only make some vague shapes representing an operating table, and a floor-to-ceiling shelf stocked with medical supplies.

"We should check out this room later," Lister said to the others. "There's all kinds of stuff in there."

"We shouldn't dawdle," Rimmer said nervously. "Our main objective is to recover the... whatever it is and get the smeg out of her before it gets dark. We didn't come here to window-shop."

"He's scared," the Cat said mildly, and ignored the snarl Rimmer favoured him with.

"I'm not 'scared'."

"Sure you are."

"Look you stupid-"

"Sirs, please," Kryten interjected. "I can't hear the tracking signal."

"He started it," Rimmer said.

"Both of you, shut up," Lister said with finality. "Kryten, which way?" They had arrived at a T-junction.

"Left," the mechanoid replied, and led the way.

****


	4. Miranda

CHAPTER 3:

MIRANDA

Their footsteps echoed hollowly through the dark corridors. Eventually they came to a maintenance shaft, found a stairway and climbed to the upper levels of the ship. The corridor they emerged into was wider than the last and had bright red stripes running along its length.

"We should be very close now," Kryten said quietly. His voice seemed very loud in the silence of the deserted ship. Even their breath seemed too loud to Lister's ears. They continued cautiously forward.

Then Kryten came to an abrupt halt and turned his chest-light towards a large set of double doors, one of them open. Written over the top in block lettering were the words:

HOLOGRAM PROJECTION UNIT

"It's in here," Kryten said.

Lister entered the room first, his bazookoid held at the ready, for no reason in particular, other than it felt safer. Kryten entered next, followed by the Cat and Rimmer.

In the centre of the circular room was a device closely resembling the _Dwarf's_ own Hologram Projection Unit, with some advancements.

"This is it? This is what you're getting the signal from?" Rimmer asked, unimpressed.

"Yes sir."

"Fan-smegging-tastic. The only thing on the whole ship that's worth salvaging and we've already got one!"

"The question is, why is it the only thing on this ship that's still working?" Lister wondered out loud. He walked around the device, inspecting it from every angle as if looking for clues.

Then there was a sound. A small click. Everyone jumped and turned around, bazookoids poised to fire.

In the doorway stood a young woman. She also held a gun, a large laser rifle that was now pointing directly at Lister's head. Her long brown hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, but loose strands hung over her eyes, which were large and green, the eyes of a frightened child. The first thing any of them noticed, however, was the metallic 'H' in the centre of her forehead. The angles of it were tilted inwards to form a rough diamond. Her eyes darted to each of them in quick succession, and then rested on Lister.

"Who are you?" she asked in a voice that shook.

Lister blinked, still recovering from the shock of seeing another human on such a seemingly lifeless planet. Then he took a deep gulp of air and blurted, "we crash-landed here and came looking through this ship for supplies. I'm Dave Lister, this is the Cat, Rimmer, and the mechanoid's name is Kryten. We don't want any trouble. Just... don't shoot, ok?"

Immediately the girl lowered her gun, and to their surprise, let out a breathless giggle. She lowered her head and wiped her eyes. In the gloom it was hard to be sure, but Lister thought he saw tears on her cheeks. She raised her head again and looked at Lister, and her face was serious once more.

"You can't stay here. You have to get out."

"Wait a minute... who are you? What are you doing here and what happened on this ship?" Rimmer asked abruptly.

"You don't understand," she said shakily. "You have to get out of here, now! They'll come for you!" Then, looking at Rimmer, she said, "You're a hologram too?"

"Well... yes," Rimmer said uncertainly.

She hesitated, and an expression slipped across her face which was impossible to read. Her eyes flicked over to Lister and the Cat. "You two, you aren't safe. You have to leave."

"Why us?" Lister asked. The girl was beginning to unsettle him, and he didn't like the wild look in her eyes. "We're not going _anywhere_ until you explain what's going on."

"Alright, but you'll have to come with me, right now," she said urgently. "Please, all of you, follow me, hurry!" She turned and bolted off down the corridor.

Lister shared a quick, bewildered glance with Rimmer, who only shrugged.

"We'd better do as she says," Kryten suggested. They stumbled out the door in pursuit.

"Where are we going?" Lister shouted, struggling to keep pace with the girl. The bazookoid was hard to run with, and kept painfully banging into his shin. She stopped every so often to let them catch up, and then darted off again.

"Where is she taking us?" Rimmer yelled, between breaths, as he sprinted along behind Lister. "The girl's insane, she could be leading us to our deaths!"

"Shut up and follow her!" Lister panted.

They arrived at a large circular door held open with a hydraulic arm. There was a dark, cramped space beyond.

"In here," the girl said. "This is the airlock."

"The airlock?!" Lister said breathlessly. "Whaddya want us to go in there for?"

"I don't trust her," Rimmer said surreptitiously, speaking through his teeth.

"Yeah, the girl's crazy!" the Cat added, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. He made no effort to disguise his mistrust. "These boots are only meant to look good, they weren't made for cross country!"

She waved them on, pleading. "Please! Get in the airlock, I'll explain everything!"

Lister looked warily at Kryten, who simply nodded. Lister shrugged and stepped into the airlock, then beckoned the others to do the same. "Come on guys. Let's do as she says."

Rimmer hesitated, gave the girl an untrustworthy glance and then stepped in behind Lister. The Cat came next. Then Kryten, and then she herself stepped in and pressed a button beside the inner door.

The hydraulic arm rolled the heavy door into place and there was a loud _hisss _and the sound of something locking into place with a thick thud. The door was sealed.

Lister looked around him. The room was small, especially with 5 people standing in it, and was only meant as a depressurization chamber before the main outer airlock door was rolled away for spacewalks and the like. It was devoid of benches, so Lister leaned against the wall and looked at the girl expectantly.

"Ok. First question. What's your name?"

"Miranda."

He nodded approvingly. "Miranda. Nice name. Now do you wanna tell us what the smeg's going on around here?"

She nodded, drew in a deep breath and started to speak. "I'm... I _was_ a waitress on _Poseidon_. We flew too close to one of those... things above the planet and the Navi-Comp and everything... the ship's computer... just stopped working. We couldn't slow down and we crashed here.

"Only 17 people survived. I died, but my brother Michael was one of the survivors. He said there was a big argument about who should be brought back. A lot of people wanted the Captain, but others wanted their friends... members of their family... and no-one could agree. A few of them left the ship and went looking around outside." She paused and blinked twice, hard, as if trying to clear her eyes. "They didn't come back."

"Why? W-what happened to them?" Lister asked quietly. He was beginning to feel distinctly afraid.

"The Eaters got them."

Rimmer shot a panicked glance at Lister. "The _eaters_. Ah. And... what are they, exactly?"

"They're bad. We called them Eaters because... well... that's what they do," She said softly. "They can smell blood. That's why I put you in here, it's the only room that's airtight."

The colour drained out of Rimmer's face and he slumped back against the wall. "Oh good. Marvellous."

"When they didn't come back, everyone started to panic. And then they left, too. They all left the ship. Only Michael stayed behind. He brought me back. And then..." she swayed, as if feeling faint.

Lister stepped forward, thinking she was going to collapse, but she shook her head. "Then my brother... he... one of the Eaters got his smell, and found its way inside. Then it was just me."

"How long have you been here?"

"I don't know. A few months, maybe." She looked pleadingly at him. "Please don't go outside. They'll smell you and they'll come. I only survived this long because I'm a hologram. I'm hard light, and they'd still kill me if they could. But you two-"she looked from Lister, to the Cat, and back again, "you're not safe out there."

"Well that kind of complicates things," Lister said nervously. "We were kind of hoping to get off this planet sometime. You know, er... like tonight."

"If you go back out there, they'll kill you."

"What's to stop us making a run for Starbug, and blasting these smeggers into oblivion if they show up?" Lister suggested, hoisting his bazookoid up on his shoulder for effect.

"There's a lot of them. And they're fast. And it's dark outside. Maybe if you wait until light..."

"Ok. So we wait until the morning. Then we make a break for it." He glanced around the room. "Any objections?"

"You're forgetting something," Rimmer said quietly.

"What?"

"We can't bring Miranda with us. Holly can only sustain one hologram."

Lister's heart plummeted. "Oh, smeg. I didn't think of that."

"You could still make it without me." Miranda said in a small voice.

Lister raised his eyebrows. "What? And leave you here? Forget it."

"What then?" Rimmer asked.

"I don't know, we'll think of something! No-one's getting left behind."

Miranda nodded, and said nothing. Lister shrugged and glanced around the room. "So we stay here all night?"

"Actually sir, I think only you and Mr Cat should stay in the airlock. Miss Miranda, Mr Rimmer, and myself shouldn't be in any danger if we stay outside. I also think it's best if I stand guard at one of the exits."

"No way, Kryten!" Lister said loudly.

"But sir, if one of them found their way in here..."

"Perhaps you could stand watch at the end of the corridor," Miranda suggested. "I don't think there's any need. Unless they're already here... unless they smelled..." she trailed off awkwardly.

"Yes, well... about this airlock situation... I think maybe I should stay in here as well," Rimmer said quickly.

"Sir, there is no need for that."

"I insist."

"Really, Mr Rimmer, you're in no danger..."

"Kryten, I'll be the judge of that!"

"He's right, you'll be fine," Miranda said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you."

"I'm not alarmed."

"Good," she said, and smiled reassuringly. "We'll stay outside then."

"We'll need to find matresses and food for Mr Lister and the Cat," Kryten said.

"I'll help you," Miranda said.

She pushed the button next to the door and the airlock spun open. Suddenly to Rimmer it felt like a safer place than the black, unwelcoming darkness of the corridor.

* * *

"Sweet dreams," Lister said dryly, giving them a little wave as the door hissed closed. Rimmer, Miranda and Kryten were now sealed outside in the corridor. Rimmer felt his suit collar was suddenly too tight. It seemed to be trying to choke him. The was a slight 'clink' and he jumped and spun around. It was just Kryten, fiddling with his chest-light.

Rimmer cleared his throat. "Well. I'm glad that's all been sorted out."

Miranda walked a little way up the corridor and gestured at an open door. "There's not much room in here but I made up a bed for you if you want to sleep."

"Oh good," Rimmer replied, and smiled politely. He felt like he might be sick.

"I'm going to sit up for a while."

"Ah."

"See you in the morning."

"Yes. Um... how will we, er... know if it's morning?"

"I'll wake you."

"Oh."

"Don't worry. You'll be safe."

"Yes, of course."

"Goodnight." She smiled timidly and moved off away up the corridor, stopping to speak to Kryten, who was standing at the T-junction, gun held in both hands. Rimmer didn't catch their conversation but he was sure it wasn't going to do his nerves any good. He stepped into the room Miranda had indicated to him. It was lined with grey steel lockers, and a number of low benches divided the room. Spacesuits hung in glassed-in compartments. He looked at the mattress, pillow and blankets lying in a corner of the room and muttered, "sleep? How the smeg am I going to _sleep?"_ He looked over at the glass-fronted compartments and wondered how much protection they would afford, if he was suddenly attacked during the night, and whether he could stuff his whole body in and still get the door closed. Then he looked at the steel lockers. Ah, yes. That was probably a better option. He could hide in one of those and not be seen. He went over to one and tried it. It opened easily, and looked like a tight fit, but he thought w_hat the smeg_ and stuffed his pillow in.

* * *

Kryten blinked. His joints were getting stiff. His chest-light fanned out into the darkness, splitting the shadows. He faced one way for a long moment, then slowly swivelled back the other way, revealing a featureless grey corridor. He heard footsteps approaching and looked over his shoulder to see Rimmer, looking anxious and stiff, and who seemed to be trying to massage the bones in his neck into a more comfortable position.

"Everything under control here Kryten?"

"Fine thank you, sir."

"You haven't seen anything?"

"No sir."

"Is it morning yet?"

Kryten blinked. "No sir, it's only 12:30."

Rimmer chewed his lip nervously. "Ah."

There was a long, heavy silence. Finally Kryten said, "I do have everything under control here, sir."

"Yes, very good."

Another pause. Then, "That gun _is_ loaded, is it?"

"Yes sir!" Kryten said indignantly.

"Good, good..." Rimmer glanced nervously around. "Can't be too careful, can you? We've all got to stay on our toes."

"I _am _on my toes, sir."

Rimmer nodded, and began to back away. "Well. I'll just be, er..." he pointed over his shoulder.

Kryten nodded, and turned his attention back to scanning the corridor. Rimmer let his breath out in a sigh and wandered back to his room. It was no good. He couldn't possibly sleep when there might be... _things_ roaming around outside. He glanced into one room and noticed Miranda, who was propped up on a desk with her gun on her lap, and one leg hanging over the side. She was staring out a small porthole, beyond which Rimmer could faintly see the line of the horizon and a few dim stars. He stopped by the door and she looked up.

"Er... I just came to... check on Kryten," Rimmer said quickly, by way of explanation. Miranda smiled and nodded. Then she picked up a bottle that was balanced on the edge of the desk, and held it out to him.

"Here. Have some."

Rimmer took the bottle and squinted at it in the darkness. It was whiskey.

"I prefer brandy," he said, rather stupidly, and she smiled again.

"So do I. That's all that's left."

"Right... thanks," Rimmer said, took a small swig of it, and winced. He found a metal supply crate and sank down onto it. There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

"I feel very selfish," Miranda said a long time later, and Rimmer's head snapped up. "I'm glad you crashed here... in a way. At least I have some hope now." She smiled sadly.

Rimmer didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything, and took another sip of whiskey instead.

"What did you say the name of your ship was?" she asked.

"Red Dwarf."

"Oh. What did you do? You must have been an officer, were you?"

"An officer? Uhm... well...not exactly, no. I was..." he shook his head in a vague way. "I did... general... sort of... maintenance."

"Maintenance?"

"Yup. I mean, I had a lot of very important duties. Vital duties. They were absolutely vital." He nodded to emphasize his point. "I was 2nd Technician. I always intended to become an officer. My _parents_ always wanted me to become an officer. And I tried." He gritted his teeth. "But then I got hit in the face with a lethal dose of radiation and my career prospects suddenly went out the window."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"That's alright. I'm ranting."

"No you're not. I don't mind, really."

"I'll just shut up," He said tiredly.

"You should try and get some sleep."

"Yeah. I suppose so."

She gave him a conciliatory smile and turned back to the window.

"Your 'H' is different," Rimmer said.

"Sorry?"

"Your 'H'." He pointed. "It's not the same as mine."

"Oh. I'm an advanced hard-light hologram. I don't use a light bee, it's something called refracted light technology, I don't understand it myself."

"I see. Well... it's very nice," he said awkwardly. "Your 'H'. It suits you."

Touched, she broke into a radiant smile, and he felt his stomach loosen. "Thanks."

He nodded and had another drink. His mouth was suddenly very dry.

"You should probably try to get some sleep," she suggested gently.

"Sleep. Yeah." He stood up. "Thanks for the, uh..." he started to hand the bottle back. "Actually, do you mind if I take this with me?"

"No. Go ahead."

He nodded by way of thanks and shuffled out.

* * *

A/N: To be continued. Sorry if you were thinking this is going to turn into a soppy love story, it's not, and that's about as romantic as it gets :) Anyway, I hope you're enjoying it so far. I will update again ASAP.


	5. Lights Out

A/N: Sorry about the wait :) Things get a little creepy from here on. Also, thanks to those who reviewed, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! Updates will come more frequently ;)

* * *

CHAPTER 4:

LIGHTS OUT

The airlock door gave a loud _hiss-CLUNK_ and swung open. Kryten stepped in with an armful of weapons and placed them on the floor. "Good morning sirs," he said chirpily.

Lister looked over the pile of guns appreciatively. "Nice going, Kryts. Where'd you find all this stuff?"

"Weapons storage. Miss Miranda showed me where it was. We should have enough guns and ammo here to hold off an army of those creatures."

Miranda stepped in behind him, carrying a large box, and she placed this next to the guns. "Ammo," she said.

Lister took a deep breath. "Ok. Here's the plan." He frowned. "Where's Rimmer?"

Kryten shuffled uncomfortably. "He's sleeping off a hangover in one of the equipment lockers I believe, sir."

"Great. A lot of use he'll be," Lister said, shaking his head.

Miranda chewed her lip and gave him a guilty glance. "Sorry. It was my fault."

Lister pulled his fur and leather deerstalker forward on his head and scratched it, thinking. "Alright. I had a lot of time to think last night and... I came up with something. It's not brilliant, but it's the best plan I've got. Miranda, the only way we can bring you with us is if we turn you off, take your holo-disk on board Red Dwarf and wait until we find some way of bringing you back. Maybe... I dunno... if we found another ship... one that could take you on board..."

She nodded and looked at the ground.

"Look, I know it's not the greatest plan ever. And it means you'll be turned off for a long time. But we'll work something out," he said gently. "Some way to bring you back. I promise. But you'll have to agree to let us switch you off."

Slowly she raised her head and looked at him. Her eyes were wide and sad. "Do it."

Lister nodded, took another deep breath and glanced at Kryten and then the Cat. "Ok. First we better load up and get to the Hologram Projection Unit. Then, we're outta here. We make a run for Starbug. Don't stop for nothin'. You with me?"

They all nodded. Lister grimaced and remembered Rimmer. "Kryt, you better go get Rimmer. Is he gonna be ok to handle a gun?"

Kryten, shuffling out the door, nodded and said, "I think he'll sober up fairly quickly when he hears your plan, sir."

Lister bent over and started sorting through the weapons.

* * *

"One rock-blasting gun, four bazookoids, one laser rifle, two pulse cannons, one shotgun, and three handguns." 

"Is that gonna be enough?" The Cat asked.

"It'll have to be. JMC mining ships generally aren't stocked to the gills with weaponry," Lister said dryly.

"Which one would you say does the most damage?" Rimmer asked hastily. He looked like he hadn't slept much and swayed occasionally, but apart from that, seemd to have sobered as quickly as Lister had predicted.

"Probably the rock-blasting gun."

"I'll have that."

"Fine with me, if you can carry it," Lister said, lifting the gun and handing it to Rimmer, who winced and almost dropped it.

"Yeah, I want the laser thinggama-doohickey," The Cat said. He picked it up and held it against his suit, seeing if the colour matched the weave.

"And I'll take the pulse cannons," Lister said with a grin, strapping one to each shoulder. He also had a handgun tucked into his belt, and a bazookoid on his back, as did Rimmer and the Cat. Kryten had secured the rest of the weapons to his back and shoulders. Miranda held a bazookoid. There was a long silence as they all looked at each other expectantly.

"Ready, Kryt?" Lister said.

Kryten nodded. They stepped out of the airlock.

They proceeded down the corridor in single file: Kryten first, because he had the light. Then Lister, then the Cat, Miranda, and Rimmer. Their footsteps made hollow clanging sounds on the steel staircase as they descended to the lower levels.

Behind him, Lister could hear the harsh scraping of each person's breath in their throats. The only other sound was their footsteps and a low, very faint rushing noise, which he assumed was the wind, singing through the empty corridor where it came in through the cargo bay door.

Rimmer tried to look in every direction at once. When he was facing forward, he felt that his back was vulnerable, but when he looked behind him he kept bumping into Miranda, who would utter a little squeal everytime. She seemed to be on the verge of panic now that she was leaving the refuge of the ship.

"Guys, keep it down," Lister hissed through his teeth. He was holding the gun so tightly his arm ached.

Just as he finished speaking he heard a noise. It was so unexpected and so utterly _weird _that all the muscles in his legs suddenly froze and he found he couldn't move anymore. His breath died in his throat.

"Did you hear that?" He said.

Then it came again. A long, high screech, like a very rusty door being opened slowly. He heard Miranda gasp.

"Everybody... just... keep... moving," Lister said.

"Oh smeg," Rimmer groaned.

"Kryten, you see anything?"

"No, you'd know if I did sir, believe me," Kryten said, sounding shaken.

They shuffled slowly forward. Then, when they had moved no more than twenty paces, there came three loud _bangs_ in quick succession, each one louder than the last.

Bang.

Bang.

BANG.

Kryten jerked his head up so fast his neck joints creaked, and shouted, "It's above us!" He pointed his gun at the ceiling. They all stared at the metal grating above their heads. A long minute passed. Nothing happened.

"What the smeg _was_ that?" Lister panted, flicking sweat from his brow with two fingers.

Kryten reached up and prodded the ceiling with the barrel of his gun. "There's nothing there. I'm still not getting any life readings."

They began to move forward slowly again. "What do these things look like, anyway? I mean, what exactly are we dealing with?" Lister asked, looking at the girl.

Miranda edged along behind him, looking nervous. "I... I don't really know. I've never actually seen one properly."

They all stopped in mid-shuffle. All heads turned to stare at Miranda, an identical expression of disbelief on their faces.

"You've never seen one?" Kryten asked, wide-eyed.

"I thought you were with your brother when he was... killed," Rimmer said carefully.

"No. I wasn't there. I didn't see." Her voice cracked. "I only heard him screaming. And when I got there... all I found was..."

"Was what?" Lister prodded.

"His leg."

Rimmer turned a new shade of white, and Lister looked mortified. "Smeggin' 'ell," he breathed.

"You said you hadn't seen one properly," Kryten questioned, returning to the point. "What _did_ you see?"

Miranda blinked and stared at the floor. "Eyes," she aid quietly. "That's all. And teeth."

Rimmer gulped audibly, and began to wish he hadn't finished off the last of the whisky last night. "Oh good. So we know they have teeth, they can smell blood and they like to chow on humans, _sans_ legs."

"Ok let's just keep movin'," Lister said in a strained voice. "I don't know what that sound was, but I'm sure it wasn't good."

They continued forward, into the black.

* * *

As they moved along through the ship, Rimmer somehow ended up at the back of the group again. This wasn't his favourite position, safety-wise, and he constantly whirled around and walked backwards a few steps, his gun trained on the formless shadows, squinting into them, trying to spot any possible sign of movement. This carried on so frequently that he began to trail behind, so intent was he on watching his rear that he forgot about staying close to the group in front of him. No-one turned around. They were all too busy watching out for their own necks. 

The group rounded a corner and Rimmer, walking backwards, struggled to catch up. For a long blood-chilling moment he was alone in the corridor. Then he reached the end of it and was about to turn and sprint to catch up, when he heard a noise.

The noise was accompanied by a flicker of movement at the far end of the corridor he was just leaving.

The movement was accompanied by a soft _"fuuuhhh-"_as Rimmer tried to utter an expletive but all the air vacated his lungs at once, drowning it out.

At the end of the corridor, a tall, shadowy figure stepped into view. The only light was from Kryten's chest-mounted torch beam, and that was quickly fading away out of sight. Very soon he would be alone in a corridor with something shaped like a man, and it would be pitch black.

Rimmer managed to stumble one step backwards, and there he found himself pressed up against solid wall, and couldn't go any further. The thing in the shadows started to shuffle towards him.

As it did Rimmer could hear the grunt of its breath, and the sound made his hologrammatic flesh crawl with revulsion. There was also something wrong about the way it moved. It didn't walk so much as _lumbered, _arms swinging stiffly by its side, and it appeared not to bend able to bend its knees...

In fact it didn't look so much alive anymore.

It looked a little bit on the _deadish_ side to Rimmer.

He was totally unable to move. His fingers clawed at the cold metal wall, his mouth was opened in a grimace wich might have been a scream if he could summon any voice from his useless vocal cords. The light was still fading rapidly. Rimmer was just about to summon every last ounce of his strength to tear himself away from the wall, and he could have done it, too, if that last bit of light had faded just a few seconds earlier, obscuring the horror that now shambled into the light.

It was his father. Well, not so much his father as Rimmer remembered him. He now looked as if he had been dead and lying in his grave for several months. His face was still horribly recognizable, but the skin had turned a sickening yellowish-white colour, and was peeling off or simply nonexistent in some places. His eyes bored out at Rimmer from their sunken, rotten sockets, the flesh discoloured and black around them. He could see a glint of bone on his father's right jaw. His mouth was the worst. His lips had shrunk back and rotted, leaving a gash filled with brown teeth like a leer, and the tendons in his cheeks looked like pieces of thin string.

As he stumbled towards him, Rimmer realized, just before his sanity packed its bags and went on a holiday, that his father was wearing the neatly tailored brown suit he had last seen him in. That was the final madness.

Then his mind gave in and he started to scream. He wasn't even aware that he was screaming, because all sound seemed to have gone out of the world, except for the liquidy curses that were now pouring out of his father's dead mouth.

"I never loved you, you whining, snivelling little creep. You were a mistake. You should never have been allowed to crawl across the face of this world. You're a piece of putrid, stinking, worthless scum. Your mother hated you. John, Howard and Frank hated you. You've never been loved by anyone and you never will be!"

His father was now only metres away from him, and he could smell stale, ancient tobacco on his father's fetid breath, could smell dirt and mud and some other, unnamable stink that was coming from beneath his dirt-streaked suit.

"Why don't you shove a gun in your mouth and do the world a favour, by blowing your pathetic brains out!" Suddenly his father's voice became a mocking falsetto. "'Just once, I wanted him to be proud of me! Just once, I wanted him to say well done!'"

Rimmer was pressed so hard against the wall he would have sunk into it if he could. There was a funny, high-pitched wooshy sound in his head, which he thought might have been the sound of the air blowing through his empty brain.

His father was now only inches away from him, and he could see... could see his _own reflection in his eyes! _The Rimmer/zombie thing reached out its hands and the grin widened on its face, and Rimmer, Arnold J., heard the tendons creaking and the wet rustle of his tongue. It sounded like a small animal wriggling among a pile of damp leaves. His father grinned, and leaned in to bite off his head.

And then his head exploded.

Rimmer twisted his face away, expecting, in the dim part of his mind that was still tuned in to Sanity FM, to be splattered with brains and shards of bone. But all he felt was a soft rush of air, and something like a feather dragging across his cheek, and that was all. He looked back and his father was gone.

There was a black, wispy kind of mist floating around the place where he had been, but it was fragmented and slowly evaporated into nothingness. Rimmer groaned and slowly slid down the wall, and darkness overcame him.

* * *

"Rimmer!" 

He floated back into consciousness. With consciousness came the memory of what had happened, and his stomach gave a violent lurch. He groaned.

"Rimmer!" Someone kept shouting at him. It was Lister. "Rimmer, are you alright?"

"Let me try something," he heard the Cat say, and a few seconds later a sharp pain exploded across the left side of his face.

"Smeg off!" Rimmer shouted, and the Cat grinned and stepped back.

"Hey, he's back! You ok, Buddy?"

Rimmer opened his eyes slowly. Lister was crouched in front of him, looking worried. The Cat, Kryten and Miranda stood by, also looking worried. His eyes searched the corridor, but there was no-one else.

"I saw... I saw my fa-..." he croaked, unable to complete the word.

"It wasn't real, Mr Rimmer. It was one of those creatures _pretending_ to be your father. We heard you scream, and then we all saw some kind of black shape standing over you..." Kryten explained.

"And then I blew its head off," Lister finished matter-of-factly.

Rimmer's breath began to slow down. "So it wasn't real..."

"No, sir."

"It looked just _like_ him. Well... apart from the fact that he was dead. But his eyes... and his voice..." Rimmer shuddered. "How could it possibly know what my father looked like? Or what he _thought_ of me?"

"It spoke to you?" Lister asked, standing up.

Rimmer nodded.

"What did it say?"

"I don't want to repeat it. It was horrible." He swallowed and tried to stand up. He was alarmed to see that his hands were shaking uncontrollably. "I just want to get the smeg out of here."

"That makes two of us," Lister said, and handed Rimmer back his gun, which he had dropped. "Let's go."

Rimmer looked at the ground. "You said you blew its head off. But where's its body?"

Lister exchanged an uneasy glance with Kryten. "Dunno. It just kind of... vanished after I shot it. Anyway, its history now, let's keep moving."

Rimmer nodded and shakily followed them.


	6. Switch Off

CHAPTER 5:

SWITCH OFF

Their progress to the Hologram Projection Unit was slow and tense. In the jumpy, flickering light from Kryten's torch, it was hard to distinguish anything that might be moving in the shadows... especially since the things in question happened to be completely black and have no real substance. Several times Lister would give out a yell and swivel around, training his gun on something, only to find it was a shadow. His pulse was racing and his heart was pounding heavily.

At times they heard more of the weird sounds, which, upon investigation, could not be explained, such as the series of loud bangs they had heard earlier.

"I'm beginning to feel that your 'graveyard' expression was very apt," Kryten said.

"Whaddya mean?"

"I know what he means," Rimmer said darkly. "He means this ship feels haunted."

Lister stopped, spun around, then remembered not to delay their progress and kept walking. "You think those things... that Miranda called Eaters... are ghosts?"

"Of course he does," Rimmer said before Kryten had a chance to reply. "And that's what I think, too."

"You what?" This time Lister did stop. Miranda almost tumbled into him. "You believe in ghosts?"

"Well if that _thing_ wasn't a ghost, how else do you explain it?"

"Not ghosts, sirs," Kryten interjected. "Poltergeists. These things can kill and devour humans- they seem to be caught in between the worlds of the living and the dead."

"Alright, Kryten. I 'ave seen the Twilight Zone. And I'm sorry, but it sounds like a load of twaddle." He started walking again. "Anyway I don't believe in smegging ghosts."

They passed the crew's quarters. On the way through, Miranda suddenly gripped Lister's arm.

"Can we stop here for a minute? I just want to get something from my room."

"Yeah... alright, but... you know you won't be able to take anything off the ship, don't you?" Lister said warily.

She nodded and smiled, and her eyes glinted in the torchlight. "I'll be quick." And she darted off into the shadows.

Rimmer watched her go and frowned at Lister. "She shouldn't be going off on her own."

Lister shrugged. "She's been here longer than us. She knows her way around." But as the seconds stretched out to minutes, he felt a growing sense of unease uncoiling in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

Miranda stepped into the small bunkroom and, navigating by the light of the moon slanting in through a porthole, ducked under the top bunk and felt around under the lower bunk's pillow. She felt something and brought it out. A small, torn and dirty photograph. She kissed it gently, stood up and turned to leave.

Her heart almost stopped.

There was something standing in the doorway.

* * *

Lister looked at his watch. Miranda had been gone only a minute and a half, but to Lister it felt like several Ice Ages. He glanced at the anxious faces of the Cat, Kryten and Rimmer in the wavering light.

"She's been gone too long," the Cat said. Sweat stood out on his brow.

"Go and get her," Rimmer said flatly.

Lister looked at him. "Give her another minute."

"No, I want to get off this ship _now," _Rimmer said forcefully. It should have sounded petulant, but under the circumstances, Lister knew how he felt.

"Alright," he said after a pause. "Kryten, come with me, I'll need the light."

He had barely finished speaking when a terrible shriek split the air. There was no mistaking Miranda's voice. Lister's eyes widened in shock and he hoisted up his guns and began to run towards the sound.

He bolted down the dark corridor, glancing into every room. "Miranda!" he yelled. Kryten stumbled along behind him. Lister thought he heard a noise, and motioned Kryten to stop and be silent.

It came again. A watery gasp, and the sound of movement. Wherever she was, she was close. He ran to the nearest doorway and looked in. _"Miranda!" _It was empty. He moved to the next one, a long run down the corridor. He skidded to a halt in the doorway and all the air abruptly left his lungs.

The room was very dark, but he could make out two bunks in niches in the wall, a small metal table underneath a porthole, and a bookcase. Standing in the middle of the room, so tall it almost touched the roof, was a huge black figure. It seemed to have no arms or legs, and no neck or head that he could see. It was just a towering wall of black. And it was gliding across the floor towards the bunks.

Lister raised his weapon, aimed at a place he assumed the creature's head should be, and fired. He saw what happened next in slow motion. The shot from the pulse cannon sailed through the air and seemed to slice right through the black shape like a stone would cut through water, but as it did the place where it had passed through seemed to _blow apart,_ as if it was made of some kind of mist, and thick wisps of it swirled around aimlessly for a moment, before thinning out and disappearing completely, and the rest of the thing's body suddenly evaporated into the same wisps of black fog. The pulse shot, meanwhile, sailed into the back wall of the top bunk and gave a thick _CRRUNNCH_, spraying hot shards of metal across the bunk and filling the room with smoke.

Lister glanced over at Kryten, who was standing beside him, and noticed Rimmer and the Cat jostling behind him, trying to see what was happening. Cautiously he turned back, and entered the room.

"Miranda?"

He heard a whimper, and a sudden scramble of movement brought his eye to her. She had been sitting on the floor in front of the bunk, but now she leapt to her feet and dived into it, curled her hands around her knees and began to cry.

Lister picked his way over the sharp shards of wall lying scattered across the floor, and crouched down beside the bunk. "Miranda, it's me. It's Lister."

She just shook her head, tears streaming down her face, and began to rock herself back and forth.

"It's dead. I killed it." He looked over his shoulder, as if to make absolutely certain of it himself. "See? It's gone."

Miranda squeezed her eyes shut and, to Lister's surprise, started to hum something erratically between sobs. Standing in the doorway, Rimmer leaned forward. It was an old song, something he had heard before but couldn't quite name. He knew it was from a movie.

Lister took a deep breath and tried again. "Miranda. It's Dave. You're safe now. Nothin's gonna hurt you, ok?"

It had no effect. She continued to rock back and forth, humming softly. Lister felt helpless. He cast his eyes around and, by chance, they fell upon a small piece of paper lying on the floor, half-hidden under the bunk. He picked it up. It was a photograph of a young, smiling man with dark hair.

He looked from the photograph to Miranda. There was a slight resemblance between them. "This yours?" he asked gently, and held it out to her. She opened her eyes, stopped humming, and stared at it. Her eyes glistened wetly and she nodded. Lister handed it to her. She took it and quickly tucked it into one of the pockets of her jacket. Then she hugged her knees again, and stared at Lister.

"You gonna be ok now?"

She shrugged, blinked to clear her eyes and said, "I'm sorry. I always used to sing when I got scared. It's my favourite song. It helped make the fear go away." Her green eyes looked out at them mournfully from the shadows.

"That's ok," Lister said. "We don't mind. Do you feel ok now?"

"Not really," she said in a small voice.

Rimmer leaned over Lister's shoulder. "What did you see?" He asked, fear tightening his voice.

She shook her head violently and squinched her eyes shut. "No, I don't want to... don't make me..." she said hysterically, and Rimmer backed off, holding his hands up.

"Er... it's alright. I'm sorry. You don't have to tell us."

She stopped and cradled her knees, breathing hard. At least she had stopped crying.

"It's ok. We're all scared. We just wanna get off this ship and back to Starbug as soon as possible. Are you ready?" Lister asked, and reluctantly she nodded. Lister offered her his hand and she stared at if for a long time, then slowly reached out and took it.

"We're goin' home," he said grimly. "Any more of these bastards try to stop us, they'll end up like their two mates. Dead." He looked at Rimmer. "Ghosts or not- I'll kill 'em again, if they try anything."

* * *

They encountered no more of the creatures upon reaching the Hologram Projection Unit, but at certain times they could hear faint thunds and bangs from the floors above or below them. Everyone filed into the large, circular room and Lister shoved the door closed. He looked at Miranda.

"Ok. Ready to do this?"

She looked scared and unsure, but after a pause, nodded in acquiescence.

"Alright Kryt. Take out her disk." Kryten moved over to the Unit and bent over its control panel.

"Wait!" She cried. Kryten paused, and everyone looked at her. "You're planning to run across the city on foot, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah..." Lister said, taken aback.

"There might be a safer way. In the cargo bay, there are some rock-moving vehicles, used for carrying scoopfuls of ore, called Crawlers. They're small, and they're not that fast, but it might be faster than running. You'll need to find the ignition chips, which should be hanging on the wall in the maintenance office." At their inquisitive looks, she added, "My brother used to have to repair them after the mining trips. I sometimes sat with him and watched him work." Her smile faded.

Lister nodded. "Thanks, Miranda."

The Cat looked up too, morosely, and said, "yeah, thanks."

"I should be thanking you."

Lister smiled too, and shook his head. "Forget it."

"No, I mean it. Thank you. If it wasn't for you all... I might be still..." She bit her lip and then looked at Rimmer, who straightened up, surprised. She walked around the Holo Unit and suddenly hugged him. Not knowing what else to do, he gave a her a small, clumsy pat on the back.

Tearfully, she released him and stepped back, wiping her eyes. "Sorry you didn't make officer," she said softly. Rimmer looked away, awkwardly. She bit her lip and turned back to the others. "I guess this is goodbye until I see you again."

"You will," Lister said, as meaningfully as he could.

"Ok I'm ready," she said to Kryten, and he pushed something on the control pad. Then she was suddenly gone. A little disk slid out of a drive in the Projector with an electronic _whirr_, and Kryten picked it up carefully.

Lister looked solemnly at the place where she had been. "Take good care of that, Krytes."

"I will, sir."

"Let's get outta here," the Cat said grimly. "This planet is seriously screwed up. In fact," he added as they filed out the door, "If it wasn't for us finding the hologram babe, I'd say this trip was a total waste of time!"

"It only took him a day and a half to figure it out," Rimmer said dryly.

* * *

"There's just one teensy weensy thing that concerns me," Rimmer said, as they hurried down the staircase to the level that led onto the cargo bay.

"What's that?" Lister asked.

"Well, the fact that we've encountered only _two_ of these 'Eaters' so far and they've very nearly killed two of our number, myself included. What chance have we got if there's dozens of them out there? They won't even have to bother with the old shape-changing routine. If we go out there in that Crawler, it'll be like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Meals on smegging Wheels."

"We've got no choice. We'll just have to be on our guard." He stopped behind Kryten, who was leaning around a corner, scouting out the corridor. Kryten waved them ahead and they started walking again.

"There's something _I_ don't understand," the Cat said, trotting up beside them.

"There's a statement that will never make front page news."

The Cat glanced at Rimmer, decided that wasn't worth a retort, and continued. "Holo-babe said these things could smell our blood, right?"

"Yeah."

"Right. So why did they attack two holograms?"

Lister glanced over his shoulder, a frown creasing his brow. "I dunno."

"My theory is, they can't smell blood, but they can smell something else."

"Like what?"

"Fear?" Rimmer suggested.

Lister shook his head. "That wouldn't explain how Miranda survived in here for months without so much as a scratch."

"Maybe it's something to do with her technology. She's a different type of hologram."

"Maybe. It just doesn't make sense though."

The Cat tapped Lister on the shoulder. "Hey. Does this mean what I think it means?"

"What do you think it means?" Lister said wearily.

"That I said something that actually made sense!"

Lister thought about it, smiled, and nodded. "Yeah. You did."

"Hey!" The Cat cried, delightedly. "That's gotta be a first."

"Keep your voice down," Rimmer hissed, and they hurried to catch up with Kryten.

* * *

Upon entering the lower levels of the ship, it became clear that it was mid-morning outside. Daylight had permeated the dark corridors, revealing more detail in the dingy, early light than had been apparent the night before. The corrdidors here were the same dull gunmetal grey, but debris and evidence of the crash were strewn all around. In some places the floor buckled upwards, creating dangerous sharp-tipped fangs of metal which the crew had to carefully navigate around. It was amazing that no-one had tripped over one of these things last night and impaled themselves.

Beyond the walls they could hear the constant, low sigh of the wind, reminding them that the journey was only halfway over, they still had to go out there, into the unknown, and try to reach Starbug and Holly.

Finally they arrived at the cavernous, crate-filled cargo bay. Here the light was brightest, and Kryten was able to switch off his torch. They made their way past a small office and towards the back of the 'bay. Here, lined up along the wall were three small, two-seater vehicles with large scoops fixed to the front. They had glass windows and a rudimentary flat metal roof, but no doors on either side. The _Dwarfers_ stepped up to them and looked them over.

"They don't look very fast," Rimmer said doubtfully.

"That's probably why they called them 'Crawlers'," the Cat added, unhelpfully.

"Better than nothin'," Lister said, and walked off towards the maintenance office. "I'll get the ignition chips."

Rimmer stood and surveyed the vehicles, shaking his head. "I don't like this. I really don't have a good feeling about this."

"Sir, I'm afraid we don't have any other options," Kryten said diplomatically.

"Damn it Kryten, I've _seen_ one of these things up close. It nearly bit my smegging head off! I know what they're capable of. There has to be another way!"

Lister walked past him and threw a small metal object to Kryten, which glinted as it caught the light. "There is no other way," he said firmly. "Let'stop smeggin' arguing and get on with it." He climbed into the driver's seat of one of the vehicles, and the Cat slid in beside him. They all looked at Rimmer.

Rimmer's face tried to contort itself into a number of different unpleasant expressions. Finally it settled on plain old unadulterated fear. "I'm holding you accountable for everything that happens," he said, pointing at Lister, who grinned.

"Shut up and get in, Rimmer."

Rimmer went to the second Crawler and slipped in beside Kryten, who was behind the wheel.

"Gentlemen, start your engines!" Lister said, with a little too much enthusiasm.

The Crawler's engines chugged into life and then settled into a low hum, which was very loud in the hollow, echoey room.

"Krytes, you better take the lead... you can navigate better. I'll follow. Cat, Rimmer, be on you guard, shoot anything that moves!"

Kryten's Crawler drifted slowly across the floor of the cargo bay, heading towards the open door, through which sand and grit whirled, and the wind screamed. It seemed like there was a sandstorm going on outside. Lister's Crawler followed Kryten towards the door.


	7. Into the Storm

CHAPTER 6:

INTO THE STORM

They rolled out through the cargo bay doors, and were immediately enveloped by the swirling, choking sandstorm. Lister could only just make out the taillights of Kryten's Crawler, which he had switched on to help visibility. The Crawlers rocked and shuddered over the uneven, sandy ground. Cat, sitting beside Lister, was sitting sideways with his feet hanging out, gun sweeping from left to right.

"See anything?" Lister asked pointlessly.

"I can barely see my damn hand in front of my face," the Cat snapped, and went on squinting into the wind. Specks of sand burned his eyes. Lister had his foot down on the accelerator, but he guessed they weren't going any faster than a sprint at this point. The sand underneath the wheels was too thick. It was like trying to race a speedboat through maple syrup.

They drove on uneventfully for about ten minutes, cutting around street corners and passing large hunks of metal that had once been scaffolds from the buildings above. They couldn't see the buildings on either side of the street.

Lister noticed the Cat tense, and point his gun at something. "I see one of them."

Lister turned his head away from the wheel and caught a glimpse of something tall and black gliding along next to the vehicle, on the Cat's side. It followed them for a few seconds, then dissolved back into the sandstorm. Lister saw more movement and snapped his head around just in time to see two more tall, black shapes moving in the sand.

"There's three of 'em! No, smeg, four!" He shouted, trying to look in every direction at once. The Cat let off a round from his laser, and it zoomed harmlessly off through the whirlwind, hitting nothing.

"I can't get a lock on them!" He cried, panicked, and reloaded the pistol.

More and more of the shapes materialized. They would dance close to the vehicle, then fade back into the storm. Lister looked ahead and realized he could no longer see the taillights of Rimmer and Kryten's Crawler. Desperately, he slammed his foot down on the gas again. The engine gave a unhealthy-sounding revv, but the Crawler continued to roll along at its normal pace.

"We're surrounded!" Lister wailed, losing all trace of his former bravado. "Cat, can you shoot 'em?"

"I'm trying!" He cast his eyes around desperately. "They're movin' too fast!"

There was a loud _thunk_ and something hit the windscreen. Lister looked at it curiously as it rolled down the glass, hit the engine casing and slipped off somewhere below the scoop. Whatever it was had left a trail of blood and some other bits of wettish gunk down the windscreen.

"Urgh," he said instinctively. Then there was another _thunk._ This time Lister saw what it was, and his stomach turned over. It was the mangled, decomposing body of a very large, very dead, rat. It rolled down the windscreen and became lodged there, in the groove just between the glass and the engine casing. Its milky, dead eye stared at Lister through the window. His flesh crawled.

Lister _hated _rats. _Especially _dead ones.

_Thunk._

_Thunk._

_Thunk-thud._

It started to rain dead, rotting rats on Lister's windshield. He gave a cry of horror as they fell out of the sky and thudded heavily against the glass, spraying little bits of fur and rotting meat everywhere. Then they began to rain down on the roof as well.

Lister's fear had increased exponentially since the first rat, and now he was close to fainting. His skin had turned a pasty colour, and tiny beads of sweat trickled down his face into his eyes.

"Hey, you ok?" The Cat said, grabbing his shoulder. "What's the matter?"

Lister found it hard to breathe. More rats were piling up on the roof, the engine and in the bottom of the scoop. Some were so badly decomposed that the meat hung off their skeletons in chunks. And the _smell... _the smell was indescribable.

"Hey! Buddy! Snap out of it, watch where you're driving!" The Cat yelled, acting as if nothing was wrong. Lister could barely see out the window, it was now so piled high with rats. Panic surged up in his throat like bile and he started to whimper.

Then a particularly large rat flew through the driver's door and landed in his lap with a wet _plop._

It's head dangled off its neck, frighteningly close to his groin. Its fur was a matted horror. One of its eyes had caved in and the socket leered up at him gruesomely.

He could _feel _its bones through the fabric of his trousers.

That was just too much.

"Gyaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"

Letting out a hoarse scream, Lister threw himself out of the driver's side door as the vehicle rolled along, and to his absolute horror, the rat landed under one of his knees and he crushed its head. He screamed again, stumbled to his feet, and began to run blindly into the sandstorm.

"What are you doing, are you crazy?!" The Cat shouted, grabbing the wheel, and slammed his foot on the brake. The Crawler shuddered to a halt.

Somewhere off to his right he could hear Lister screaming. "Get it off me! Oh god, it's all over my leg!"

The Cat raced towards Lister's voice, sand whipping into his eyes, nose and mouth, and stumbled, almost blasting his own foot off. Then two dark shapes loomed up in front of him, and thrashing about on the ground between them, was Lister. He didn't seem to see the two Eaters converging on him from both sides. He was too concerned with his leg, which appeared to be unharmed.

Without a word, the Cat raised his laser pistol and aimed at the first Eater. As he did it turned around slowly to look at him, and his heart stammered in his chest. Its face was comprised of two white, staring eyes, and a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. It opened its mouth and emitted a low, gurgling growling noise.

The Cat fired directly between its eyes.

Its head blew apart in the same way that he had witnessed before, and the fragments were carried off into the swirling sandstorm. He aimed at the other one, which was now leaning over Lister, its mouth opened wide, teeth jutting out like a shark's. The Cat fired again, right through the head. The Eater blew apart and disintegrated harmlessly into the wind.

Lister stopped struggling. He looked at his knee, which, to his immeasurable relief, was no longer splattered with rat brains, and then saw the Cat. "What... what happened?" He gasped.

"You were having one of those hallucinizations," the Cat said by way of explanation, and helped Lister to his feet. "What did you see? Must've been terrible... you were freaked out pretty bad, Bud."

Lister shuddered. "Rats. Dead ones. Urghh, they were horrible." He squinted into the wind. "We better catch up with the others."

"Rats? Is that all!" The Cat snorted laughter. "What a wimp!"

"Dead ones," Lister said defensively. "They were _properly_ dead, alright?" The Cat just shook his head and chuckled to himself. Lister glared at him and started tracing his footsteps back to the Crawler.

* * *

The taillights of Kryten's Crawler glared at them accusingly from the sandstorm as they rolled up behind it. Kryten and Rimmer jumped out and raced towards them.

"Where the SMEG have you been?!" Rimmer shouted, his brown hair blown askew by the wind.

"Nice to see you too, Rimmer," Lister said caustically, climbing out from behind the wheel.

"I killed two of 'em," the Cat added, "But there's more out there. Too many to kill."

"And I just got rained on by dead rats."

"Looks like they're going to throw everything they've got at us. Anything that makes us feel afraid," Rimmer said.

"If they wanna make _me_ afraid, they're gonna have to do better than that," the Cat said smoothly.

"Like what, spill instant gravy on one of your suits? Take away all your fabric softener?" Rimmer said sarcastically, and shook his head. "They _know_ what we're afraid of. There's no use trying to act brave. We're practically defenceless against them."

"No we're not," Lister said through gritted teeth. "We've got guns. All they've got is mind-games. Hallucinations. We're almost outta here. Let's stop talking and get a move on." He walked back to the Crawler and got in. "Lead the way, Kryten!"

They all got back into their vehicles and started them up, and barrelled off down the road in single file.

They had been driving in silence for two minutes, and Lister noticed that ground underfoot had turned into thick, soupy drifts of sand. They were off the roads and out of the city, but the sand slowed their progress.

The Cat peered over the side and watched the wheels churn through it.

"We're gonna get stuck," he said grimly.

"Don't say that."

"Well we are."

"We're not gonna get stuck. We _can't._ We can't make it to Starbug on foot."

Their speed slipped down another few notches, and Lister pumped the accelerator. "Come on, you smeggy bastard!"

He could still see Kryten's taillights. They were moving through the deep grooves the first Crawler had cut through the sand.

"I see one," the Cat said, stiffening, and his head whipped around. "No, two. There's more. They're everywhere!" His voice rose in panic.

"Look, whatever you see, no matter how horrible it is, just _ignore it."_

"All I see is them," he said urgently, trying to watch the dark shapes as they glided, ghost-like in and out of the storm. Distantly, they could hear Rimmer shouting, and there was a burst of gunfire.

"Watch 'em, Cat," Lister warned, one hand gripping the wheel, the other holding up his pulse cannon. It was heavy and hard to aim with one hand.

"I can't watch them all at once," the Cat moaned.

Two of the Eaters loomed up over the vehicle on the driver's side and all of a sudden Lister's view out the driver's side door was completely obscured by a wall of impenetrable blackness.

The Crawler suddenly rocked violently from side to side. "They're tryin' to flip us!" Lister shouted. Something screeched along the roof of the vehicle. It sounded like teeth. Lister aimed his gun into the body of the Eater obscuring his door and pulled the trigger.

There was no explosion, the shot simply sped right through the thing's body and it blew apart, fragmenting into wisps of spectral mist. Lister inadvertently inhaled some of it and fell into a coughing fit. "That wasn't supposed to happen," he choked.

On the Cat's side, several more Eaters had glided over and pressed themselves against the open door. As an experiment, the Cat stuck his hand into one of them. It passed through it, breaking off a trail of wispy black fog, but that was all. The Eater, unharmed, continued to rock the small vehicle from side to side on its wheels.

"Cat, shoot them!" Lister shouted, clutching the steering wheel for dear life. He and the Cat both leaned away from their doors and fired into the Eater bodies. Two more dead. They dissolved into the sandstorm.

Lister drove along with his gun pointed out the door, ready to shoot. He was exhausted and the arm holding the gun trembled, but he held it steady.

Suddenly there was movement beside the Crawler, and Lister turned towards it, finger depressing the trigger. A angular, flesh-coloured head appeared. Attached to it was the rest of Kryten's body. He waved Lister to slow down, and Lister slammed on the brakes. He and the Cat were thrown forward in their seats as Kryten jogged up to the door.

"Sirs, we made it!" Kryten said cheerfully. Lister looked out the windscreen but couldn'y make out anything in the storm. Kryten pulled him out from behind the wheel and gestured frantically. "Hurry, get on board!"

Lister was about to point out that he didn't know where the smeg Starbug was, then Rimmer stepped out of the sandstorm and waved them ahead.

"This way!" He shouted over the wind. Lister, the Cat and Kryten lowered their faces from the blinding, whipping storm and walked into it, following Rimmer.

Shortly afterwards the beautiful pearlescent green hull of Starbug appeared out of nowhere, and Rimmer led them up the landing ramp and into the blessed, cool peace of Starbug's airlock.

Lister slumped against the wall, sucking in the clean air, as Kryten staggered through the door and closed it behind them by bashing a button beside it. Rimmer breathed out deeply, and shared a triumphant grin with the rest of the crew.

"What took you so long?" Holly's voice piped over the intercom. She sounded terribly bored.

* * *

A/N: Almost at the end guys! Thanks for reading, I hope that chapter didn't gross you out too much ;) I'd just like to say, the idea for Lister's rat-phobia came from Grant Naylor's book "Better Than Life". Go read it if you haven't :)


	8. Leaving

CHAPTER 7:

LEAVING

Lister sat in the cockpit of Starbug, a hot cup of coffee in his hand, and peered out the viewport window. Outside, the world was a dense fog of churning, ochre-coloured sand. Lister was extremely relieved to be out of it. He took a sip of hot coffee that burned its way pleasantly down his throat.

"Take her up, Cat."

"Taking her up," the Cat replied, concentrating on the controls. Behind him, Kryten and Rimmer sat in their usual seats looking nervous.

"You sure you can guide us through those mines, Holly?" Rimmer asked.

"Course I'm sure. Piece o' cake. I've guided ships at light speed before, I think I can manage to avoid a few mines."

Rimmer rolled his eyes, shook his head, and watched the navicomp screen.

Starbug rose slowly and gracefully into the air. The wind buffeted it slightly, but it continued to rise up at an even speed. As they ascended, Lister caught a glimpse of the city rearing out of the storm like an island. Its tallest buildings poked up into the sky like skeletal fingers, reaching for freedom.

Lister craned around to look at Kryten. "You still got Miranda's disk?" Kryten nodded.

They began to rise through thick cloud. For a few long minutes the world was white, then they emerged above the cloud to be greeted with a glorious, deep blue sky, darkening to black.

"Looks so peaceful from up here," Lister said quietly.

Everyone was silent and tense as Starbug continued its ascent, nose pointing up towards the heavens. Finally they left the planet's outer atmosphere and cruised gracefully, unharmed, into space.

"We're out of range of the mines," Holly said calmly.

Lister's face broke out in a grin. "Brutal!" He yelled gleefully. "We're goin' home!" He slapped the Cat a high-five. Rimmer smiled and stood up.

"Well done, everyone," he said. "Not exactly the most pleasant experience of my life.. or, in this case, death... but at least we all got out of it in one piece. And the moral of the story is: never allow Lister to drive without supervision, because he's likely to completely cock it up and put everyone's life in danger." With a smug grin, he jogged down to the mid-section.

Lister shook his head, still smiling, and leaned back in his chair.

"Aren't you all forgetting someone?" Holly said.

Lister looked up. "Who?"

"Well, me, of course," she said, irate. "It's muggins 'ere who guided you out through those mines. You'd still be stuck on that planet if it wasn't for me."

"You're right, Hol. Cheers," he said through his grin, and toasted her with his coffee cup before taking another swig.

The Cat stood up. "Well if you'll excuse me, I have some serious preening to do. I've got sand some places I didn't even think was _possible_, and I haven't combed my hair in almost _two days _now!" He sauntered out of the cockpit, leaving Kryten and Lister alone.

Lister drank his coffee in silence, and then asked, "so still no idea on what those things were, Kryt?"

"No sir. But one thing is certain; they didn't show up on the heat scanner, so they weren't organic."

"So they really were ghosts?" He looked out at the ocean of blackness filling Starbug's window and frowned.

"That seems to be the only explanation. I believe Miss Miranda jumped to the assumption that they were attracted by blood because she herself was not attacked during her months on the ship."

"Yeah. That's something I still don't understand."

"Well, we might find out the answer one day, sir. Perhaps when we restore her we can find out a bit more about what happened after the ship crashed."

"Yeah," Lister said quietly, staring out into the black. Kryten noticed his morose expression.

"We will find a way, Mr Lister."

"Yeah. I know."

* * *

_Red Dwarf_ cruised across the deep, glittering black ocean of deep space. It glided silently, a ship the size of a city, the light from its thousands of portholes winking like tiny stars. 

Somewhere within it, Lister walked into _Red Dwarf_'s sleeping quarters, where Rimmer was sitting at a table with his feet up on it, reading a book. A glass of amber-coloured liquid stood on the table next to his foot. He glanced up in a disinterested way as Lister entered, then went on reading. Lister slumped against the doorway, one hand shoved in his pocket, the other scratching his head the way he did when he was anxious.

Rimmer looked up again. "Something bothering you?"

"There's something I wanted to ask you."

"Oh yeah?" Rimmer said dully, closing his book. "What is it?"

"It's about Miranda."

Rimmer chewed his bottom lip and nodded. "You want to turn her back on."

"Only for a few minutes," Lister said, immediately defensive. "I just wanted to say a proper goodbye, you know? I'd turn you back on straight away."

"It's alright, Lister. I understand." He stared poignantly into his glass. "I just wish I could say goodbye properly. I never really got a chance to."

Lister nodded, and walked over and leaned on the table. "I'll tell her for you, if you want," he said softly.

There was a long silence. Finally Rimmer raised his head and looked doubtfully at Lister. "And you'd turn me back on?"

"'Course I would!"

Another pause. "Just a few minutes?"

"Just a few minutes. That's all."

Rimmer nodded gloomily. "Alright. Just give me a bit to get ready, ok?"

"Sure." Lister smiled and backed out of the room. "And thanks, man. This'll mean a lot to her."

* * *

Rimmer walked slowly into the Hologram Projection Unit, where Lister was swivelling around in circles in a chair, looking preoccupied. He jumped up as Rimmer entered. There was an uncomfortable pause. 

"I really appreciate this, y'know," Lister said, a trifle awkwardly. Rimmer just nodded, his face unreadable. He was still wearing his hard-light uniform.

"Where's everyone else? They didn't want to be here?"

"Nah. They thought it might be easier if they weren't. If it was just me."

"Ah."

The silence stretched out between them. "So... you ready?"

"Go ahead," Rimmer said, and gestured towards the control panel. Lister gave him a nod, and tapped a series of commands into the computer. Rimmer's image zipped out of existence and his light bee fell, with a metallic clatter, to the floor. Lister picked it up and sat it on the console beside the keyboard. Then he pulled a flat, square disk out of his pocket and inserted it into the Projector's drive.

"Boot her up, Holly."

There was a slight _fzzt_, and Miranda appeared beside the Projector. She looked around as if startled, saw Lister, and blinked in shock.

"What..."

"Look, this is gonna sound really awful... but I can only leave you on for a few minutes. I promised Rimmer. I just wanted to say goodbye properly."

"Oh." She frowned, and then smiled.

"And I just wanted to let you know... we're gonna do everything we can to bring you back. A while ago, we encountered a Holoship. It was entirely a hologram, all the crew and everything. I know the chances aren't good that we'll find it again, but... It's something to hope for." He sighed. "Sure, they were all complete smeggy pompous gits, but I guess that's a small price to pay, huh?"

She laughed and nodded. Lister scratched his head again. "I mean... there's gotta be more out there like it. And if there isn't, or we don't find one... well... we'll find something else."

She looked at him for a long time. "I really am grateful. Anything is better than being trapped on that planet. Anything is better than that dark." Her voice grew husky and her eyes clouded over, and Lister had to look away. She sniffed and seemed to bring herself under control. Then she walked over to him and hugged him. Lister hugged her back, gently.

"Everyone else says goodbye. Rimmer too. He's sorry he couldn't be here."

She let him go and stood back. "That's alright. Tell him goodbye for me."

"Yeah."

They stood in silence for a long time. Then Miranda raised her head and asked, "have you still got my photo?"

Lister reached into his leather jacket and pulled it out. Miranda had passed the picture to him after her encounter with the Eater in the bunkroom. She hadn't said anything, just pressed it silently into his hand. He had understood. It was creased and badly blackened, but still in one piece. She looked at it and smiled. "Thanks for keeping it safe for me."

"Sure."

She took a deep breath, stared across the room, looking dreamily out the viewport window, and then said, "well, I guess you should turn me off now."

"Yeah," Lister mumbled, turning back to the Projector.

"You're all really good guys, you know that?"

He just nodded, unable to look at her.

"Tell everyone 'bye for me."

"Yeah. Hey... You really like Rimmer, don't you?" He asked quietly.

He couldn't see, but sensed her smile. "Yeah."

"Figures."

"Hey Dave?"

"Yeah?" He paused with his finger over the 'shut down' button. He was dismayed to see that it shook slightly.

"You really remind me of my brother. You would've liked him, I think."

"Mm."

She paused for a few beats and then said, "See you later."

Lister glanced back at her over his shoulder, and offered her a smile that was genuine and heart-wrenchingly sad. "'Bye."

He turned away and pressed the button. When he looked back, she was gone. Her disk slid out of the Projector's drive and fell into Lister's hand.

He realized his eyes were starting to sting and wiped them quickly, not wanting Rimmer to think he'd been crying, and reinstalled Rimmer's data into the HPU. Then he sat the light bee on the floor where it had been before, and tapped some commands into the computer.

Rimmer blinked on again. He jerked, as if being startled awake from a deep sleep, and looked over at Lister. The two of them looked at each other, neither spoke. Rimmer raised his head questioningly and Lister nodded. _She's gone. _

Rimmer crossed his arms and slowly walked to the other side of the room, then stopped and looked at Lister, frowning. Carefully, he said, "You could have left her on. If you'd wanted. Why didn't you?"

Lister breathed deeply and stared out the oblong porthole at the tranquil darkness. "The thought crossed my mind," he said quietly, not looking at Rimmer. "I mean, she has every right to be here, as much as you do. She deserves a life too. I didn't ask her though. And she would have said no. She kinda liked you. It's hard to believe, I know." He smiled and shook his head, amused.

"But you admit you thought about it," Rimmer said defensively.

"Of course I did. Who wouldn't have?" He replied. "But I wouldn't have gone through with it."

Rimmer stared at him. "Why not?"

Lister laughed again, disbelievingly. "Get real, Rimmer."

"Well, why not?"

Lister sighed and his face became serious again. "Because you're one of the _crew, _man. You're one of _us._ We've been through a lot. I wasn't about to just switch you off and say, 'sayonara Rimmer, it's been fun, but this Miranda girl's a lot better looking than you and I bet she doesn't keep _her_ underpants on coat hangers'. I couldn't do that. I'm not a complete lowlife." He shook his head and stared, downcast, out the window.

Rimmer nodded mutely, looking at the floor. Finally he said, awkwardly, "Thanks, Lister."

There was a long, companionable silence. Finally Lister pushed himself off the table and headed for the door. As he reached it he paused, and turned back. "Don't get me wrong, though. You're still a smeg 'ead." With a grin, he left.

Rimmer stared at the space he had just vacated, and after a moment a small, wry smile touched his face. He looked down at the object lying next to the computer console. It was Miranda's holo-disk. He picked up the disk, took down a small metal case from a shelf and slipped the disk inside. Then he slid it back onto the shelf, among the thousands of others lined up there. Each one contained the data for every member of the _Dwarf_ crew. He looked at the little label that had been carefully stuck onto the side.

'_BELL, MIRANDA C.'_

He turned and headed towards the door, and as he did a disconnected snatch of song drifted through his head. _That's what she was singing, _he thought, touching his lower lip thoughtfully, and walked out.

_Somewhere over the rainbow_

_Way up high_

_There's a land that I've heard of_

_Once in a lullaby_

_Somewhere over the rainbow_

_Skies are blue_

_And the dreams that you dare to dream_

_Really do come true_

---------------------------------

THE END

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that. Thank you everyone for your lovely comments, they mean so much, and I'm grateful for your advice and encouragement, it reminds me why I'm writing these stories in the first place. Mostly because it's fun, but more importantly so someone reads them and gets some enjoyment out of them :) As long as you keep reading, I'll keep writing! And don't worry there's a sequel in the works... I won't give too much away, but Miranda will be back, so don't feel too bad for her! Thank you Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, and everyone involved in Red Dwarf, for bringing us the best TV show ever :) 


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